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Military jokes
A collection of jokes shared across every branch and era.
Showing 13-24 of 64 jokes
True story- I was a SGT then. We were in the field when another SGT decided to trick my private and told him to go ask SGT MAJ for a box of grid squares for the Land Nav course later. I let him go but was sort of annoyed. My private came back about 30 mins later and told the SGT that SGT MAJ was pissed and wanted to see him right now. He was laughing and left to go find SGT MAJ. I asked my private if he was really mad. He said I never found him. I found the supply SGT and he told me they were F-ing with me. I couldn't stop laughing. Turns out SGT MAJ wasn't around so all good for everyone, and the SGT who got his joke flipped on him laughed about it too.
JokeA LT walked up to a SGT jumping up and down on top of a manhole saying the number 3 after every jump. The LT yelled What are you doing SGT? Nothing Sir just seeing how high I can jump while on this manhole. The LT shook his head and said Well that's not high at all. Get out the way and let me show you how to do it. The SGT moved and the LT jumped real high in the air. As he did the SGT removed the manhole cover and the LT fell down into it. He then replaced the cover and started jumping again saying 4, 4, 4.
JokeAfter graduating a class of new recruits, all the drills were having a beer, which led to many beers and a D$C competition. A male drill sergeant jump up on a table and said boys watch this, he proceeded to unzip his pants and said Attention"
JokeThe meaning of MARINES: Marines Are Respected Individuals Needed Everywhere Serving OooooRah!
JokeNo Joke: Only one word can be spelled from USMC & that's what we rid this world of: scum.
JokeThe c.i.a. Was looking for the best candidate to fill a spot on a field team. So he recruited 4 of the best he could find. An Army ranger, Air Force P.J., Navy seal, and a Recon Marine. He told them “you must find your own way to this beach head for 0600 tomorrow morning, there you will be tested like never before”. The Ranger patrols up, the spook hands him a 9mm and says “see that cabin over there, you wife is in there take the gun and shoot her”. The ranger hands the gun back and says “I love her too much I can’t do that”. The P.J. parachutes in, and is presented with the same task. He walks in the cabin and walks directly back out. “I can’t do it she has been there for me through everything, I love her”. Next the seal swims up to the beach head. And again presented with the same task. The seal goes in the cabin for about 20 minutes. When he comes out he says “I tried talking myself into it but I just couldn’t do it, because I love her too much”. The Recon Marine jumps out of a plane, parachutes into the ocean, disconnecting the chute before hitting the water and fins to the beach. Again he is presented with the same task, without even thinking about it the Marine grabs the gun, runs to the cabin and all you can hear is 6 to 8 shots ring out. Then a pause and a whole bunch of screaming and shrieking. The Recon Marine walks out of the cabin covered in blood. He hands the weapon back to the spook and says “some asshole put blanks in that gun, so I had to use my K-bar”!!!!
JokeNATO Commander in the desert. asked a group of troops. if you found a scorpion in your tent. What would you do?" ARMY said "I would throw a boot at it." Marine said" I would pick it up by the tail/stinger & eat it. Air Force said "I would call Room service & ask why is there a tent in my Room?""
JokeOne day a general came into town. “Everyone obey me!” he yelled. But the towns people all just shrugged. Then the general yelled again “do push ups!”. The towns people just shrugged again. Wait a minute, is everyone married? Then the townspeople’s wives looked out the window. Wink wink.
JokeSgt. Charles came into the bunk and and was so disgusted by the smell of the recruits that he barfed all over his boots. “Get up you sacks of lazy bones” he bellowed. No one moved. He was in the privy!
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